AXEL [OVER PA]: You're looking at the undersea gardens of Catalina Island...
...a paradise of exotic fish and giant kelp.
Largest of these is the great bladder kelp.
That's what I said, madam, bladder kelp.
Note the gentle, swaying motion of the kelp plants, like a lovely ballet.
And if a mermaid should happen to join our ballet...
...remember, anything can happen in the mysterious depths of the ocean.
- Any time, Jenny. JENNY [OVER RADIO]: Okay, Pop.
Hey!
What in heaven's name do you think you're doing?
- You talking to me? - Yes, I'm talking to you.
- That's my suit on your line. - Oh, I'm sorry.
- That's a pretty funny-looking suit. - It's my mermaid tail.
Would you please throw it back?
That's difficult. It's all tangled. Come aboard, and I'll untangle it.
Well, that's a little difficult too, since I'm bottomless.
Oh, yeah, I see what you mean.
Here. Get into this.
And another thing, don't you believe in signs?
- Now what are you talking about? - That sign over there that says:
"No fishing. "
BRUCE: I wasn't exactly fishing. - Well, then what were you doing?
Maybe I was hunting for mermaids.
Ooh! I'm gonna have you arrested.
They're gonna have you arrested, going around without your bottom.
[CHEERING]
Mr. Templeton, your company's new device...
...overcomes weightlessness in space? - Yes.
- It actually simulates gravity? - Electronically, yeah.
MAN 1: Sir, could you explain? - Gentlemen. Gentlemen. One at a time.
What do you call this thing we saw?
Technically, this thing is referred to as...
...Gravity Inertial Stabilized Manned Observatory.
The initials are G-I-S-M-O, and that spells Gismo, and that's what we call it.
PAUL [OVER TV]: Bruce. - Yeah, Paul.
- I got a little problem. Can I come up? - I'll come down to you.
MAN 2: Do the Russians have Gismo? - No, they'd like it.
- Can you give us the equation? - No, I'm sure they'd like that even better.
Excuse me, I have to leave. My partner, Mr. Molloy, will answer any questions.
- You can handle that, can't you, Einstein? - I'll fake it, old buddy.
All right, fellas and little lady.
Fire away. But remember, Templeton's the brains. I just move the merchandise.
How did he arrive at this equation?
Ahem, well...
JENNY: This building is called the M-1 Building.
All this specially designed for testing spacecraft and subsystems.
The laboratory is fully equipped with a thermal vacuum chamber...
...a super clean room and a space... - Mrs. Nelson, may I see you a moment?
Oh, yes, Mr. Goodwin. Would you excuse me, please?
- Yes, sir? - When you finish with the tour...
...come to my office. - Yes.
I'd like to mobilize Public Relations. The press are clamoring for Gismo data...
...and you might be equipped to write it. - Yes, sir.
Did you say that I should write it, sir?
Oh, I'd like that very much, Mr. Goodwin. I really would.
But you must understand that I'm just a beginner, no experience whatsoever.
- I have every confidence in your work. - Oh, thank you, Mr. Goodwin.
Besides, I've taken a special interest in you.
Oh, that's very kind of you, sir. The tour, I'd bet...
DONNA: Hi, Jen. How do you like your first week in a think factory?
It's like being at college. I even had an offer to stay after school.
I noticed. Remember, the campus widow can't just brush off the dean of women.
Campus wido...?
Say, how does everybody know so much about me?
That badge you're wearing, it represents a tight security check.
Sex, female. Marital status, widow. Widow, that's like catnip.
Well, not for that cat.
Oh.
Donna, may I borrow a dime, please?
I have to call my dog, thanks.
DONNA: Did you say you were calling your dog?
Yeah.
With me away at work, the poor thing doesn't get exercise.
So whenever the phone rings, he runs around the house barking like crazy.
[PHONE RINGING]
[DOG BARKING]
Four.
Five.
Okay, Vladimir, that's all I have time for, baby. See you later.
Vladimir?
There you are.
- Thanks. - Thanks for waiting.
This is called the Clean Room.
It's completely sterilized so that no dust or dirt will contaminate the critical parts.
Workers entering the Clean Room must first stand on this grate...
...which shakes off dust from shoes and clothing. Like this:
[GRUNTING]
Oh, dear. I guess we'd better go now. We'll go that way.
- Excuse me. - I'll be out of your way in just a minute.
- Hey, you're the mermaid. - Yes, I'm the mermaid.
Didn't recognize you with your clothes on.
We never did introduce ourselves, did we?
Well, let's leave it that way, shall we?
- What are you mad about? - You haven't noticed...
...my heel is stuck?
Don't you believe in signs? You could have your license revoked.
- Okay, so now we're even. - Okay, so let me help you with your shoe.
[JENNY YELLS]
JENNY: Will you please...? You!
Where's your sense of humor?
Hey, what about your shoe?
ZACK: Hey, Cripps. CRIPPS: Yes, sir.
Where's Mr. Templeton?
- I believe he's in the Clean Room, sir. - Thank you.
Hey! Hey!
DONNA: What are you trying out for? - Some creep is chasing me.
DONNA: Oh, honey.
Do you see him? A wild-eyed maniac with one shoe?
- Listen... Oh, hello, Donna. DONNA: Hello, Mr. Templeton.
Can I do something for you, Mr. Templeton? Mr. Bruce Templeton.
- The owner of this. Have you seen her? DONNA: Funny you should mention that.
I did see somebody, but...
A very attractive blond. Somewhat kooky, with one shoe off and one shoe on.
- Hello there. - Oh, hello, sir.
- Did you lose something? - Oh, oh, no.
Oh, Mr. Templeton, I am so sorry about all this.
But I didn't know who you were.
And I... Well, I'm just so embarrassed I just don't...
Are you all right?
Yes, I'm fine, thank you. But, uh... Yes, I'm fine, but...
- Oh, but please forgive me. - Oh, there's nothing to forgive.
It just seems I now owe you one shoe and one mermaid's tail.
- Oh, not... Don't worry about... - Yeah, well, anyway, there's the shoe...
...and I'll send you the mermaid's tail.
Thank you very much, sir.
BRUCE: Tell Mr. Molloy I wanna see him, honey, will you?
Oh, Zack.
- What happened to you? - I have just dictated a memo...
...to the janitorial department: "The dust under the Clean Room grate...
...is to be cleared away daily. "
That's all, Miss Perkins.
You...? You didn't...?
[CHUCKLES]
You didn't fall through the...?
[LAUGHING]
Ho-ho-ho. Where is the humor?
Dust is the worst thing in the world for my ulcers.
My doctor told me this morning...
[SNEEZES]
- Zack, Zack. - Where are you?
[PHONE RINGING]
[BARKING]
You're kidding. You found a girl, and you're interested...
...like she was a piece of hardware? - Like a piece of space hardware.
- Whee! - Whee!
Gonna take time off. Sit on the boat, with my little piece of space hardware.
- I almost forgot. Know what this is? - What?
It's the Air Force confirmation to go, go, go. Put Gismo into orbit.
- What? - Of course we could cancel it?
It's only a $ 75-million contract. I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll call the general, tell him you're not interested.
- In orbit by July? - Three months.
- Impossible. - You can do it.
- We can? - Yeah.
Maybe we can. Let's think carefully.
You go to Washington. Tell the general it's a cinch.
- I already got the tickets. - Honey? Get me Goodwin.
- And Villanti. We'll work 24 hours a day. - That's my boy, all work and no play.
- Push her back in your calendar. - Right.
- I'll call her. - No. She's special, I'll call her myself.
I know you with girls, forget it. I'll...
Wait, wait a minute. You've done this before. Out.
- I was only trying. - Go.
- A little try. - Washington.
- She might like me. - Go.
[DOG BARKING]
Honey.
- Oh, hi, Mabel. Hi, Norman. MABEL: Hi.
What have you got there?
MABEL: Well, this package came for you while you were out.
- For me? - Yeah.
- Really. - Said it was from...
- Who'd he say? - Mr. Templeton.
- Yeah. - Mr... Oh, that must be my mermaid tail.
- Mermaid's tail, you been fishing? MABEL: What?
No, it's a mermaid...
- It's a long story. I'll tell you sometime. - We have a lovely man coming tonight.
- An associate of Norman's. - Mr. Mutnik.
- Yeah. - He's older, but very well-to-do...
...if you know what I mean. - Oh, yes.
- Join us. Could you? - Wish I could. I'd love to meet him...
...but I have to go to class. But thanks for thinking of me.
I'll take a rain check. I'd better get in.
Vladimir's barking like crazy. Sorry.
- Oh, that's all right, - Excuse me, thanks a lot.
Class! You can't tell me she goes to class every night.
- You didn't talk about that idiotic dog. - I didn't get a chance.
Barking, barking, every time the phone rings.
Hello, my love. I missed you.
Hello there. Hello, sweetheart.
- Call a cop. - Call a cop.
Cop yourself. Hello. Hey, hello, fish.
You all there? You hungry for your din-din? Okay.
Come on, eat hearty, kids, no hooks.
BIRD: Hello, sweetheart. - Hello, my sweetheart.
Corky? Where's my boy?
AXEL [OVER RADIO]: Unit Four, Los Angeles. This is 11-Q, 11-73, Unit Two...
... Santa Catalina calling. Come in, please.
- Come in, Unit Two. - Hi, Jenny.
Hi, Pop. Say, you'll be happy to hear we got the mermaid outfit back.
- Yeah? How? - Lf I told you, you'd never believe it.
Tell me about it when you come over on the weekend.
I don't think I can make it this weekend. I've got a million things I have to do.
But, Jenny, you've gotta come over. I've got to have a mermaid.
- Use Nina. - I said, mermaid, not "whale-maid. "
"Couldn't find the tail. Will this cover you?"
Hey, Jenny, you talking to yourself?
Yeah, I guess so.
That's what you get for living alone with birds, dogs and tropical fish.
If you'd said you couldn't come because of a boyfriend...
...that would be different. - There you go again. Nag, nag, nag.
Okay. Talk to you tomorrow.
Oh, okay, Pop. So long, Nina, no hard feelings.
What do you mean, "whale-maid"?
Let's face it, baby doll. You ain't no guppy.
- He's kidding. BIRD: Oh, no.
Okay, try RP minus 27 over Y-squared.
- Okay? FRED [OVER TV]: Right.
Sir, I happen to have a dossier on the girl, if you care to hear it.
What? Oh, yeah. Go, Homer.
"Dossier. Jennifer Nelson: Married, widowed.
Husband, Randolph Nelson: Oceanographer. "
- Oceanographer. - Thank you, sir.
"He went down in a diving bell off the Bahamas. End of husband.
Father, Axel Nordstrom, operates glass-bottom boat in Catalina.
Girl lives alone with dog, two mynah birds and tropical fish.
Hobbies: Boating and cooking.
Won first prize in baking contest for banana-cream cake.
Holds navigator's license number 7256.
Currently taking night courses in... "
Now are you ready for this? "Dramatic writing, ballet, sculpture...
...music appreciation, radio telegraphy, ceramics and mapmaking. "
- Mapmaking. And I thought I was busy. - You got some problem with this girl, sir?
Yeah, the toughest kind, Homer. Two bodies moving in different orbits.
There's an equation for everything.
You were quoted on that in one of the magazines.
Yeah, you take Mars and you take Venus.
- Yes, sir. - Well, Mars is locked in his orbit...
...because of extreme pressure. - Pressure? Oh, right, right.
But if we can induce Venus to move out of her orbit with the added factors...
...of X plus Y and apply it to COD... - COD?
Yeah, "contents of dossier. "
- I'm lost. - No, no, look.
COD plus X Y to the second power...
...plus OS, orbit shift, equals...
...Mars and Venus joined.
Amazing, sir. Do you think the world's ready for this?
Like all great thinking, it's a wonder nobody thought of it before.
- Mrs. Nelson. - Oh, yes, sir?
Mr. Templeton wishes to see you in his office.
Mr. Temp...? Oh, about what, sir?
You see, Mrs. Nelson, in a very short time from now...
...a manned rocket will take off for some far distant part of our solar system.
If I'm not here to answer questions...
...your biography will anticipate anything that might be asked about me.
Oh, yes, sir.
To help you work more effectively, I'll take you into my confidence.
All this is classified, of course.
Of course, sir.
Oh, and you know, Mr. Templeton, our department uses a code name...
...for each assignment. What shall I call this one, sir?
Oh, let's call it... Let's call it Project Venus.
Project Ve...
You mean you're going to...?
Yes, sir.
MAN [OVER TV]: Mr. Templeton! - Yeah?
We're ready for you in the tower.
Fine, we'll be right there.
- "We," that's you and I. Let's go. - Oh, yes, sir.
Not flattering, but you gotta wear it here.
JENNY: Oh, thank you.
Actually, I'm a little old country boy from Sioux City, Iowa, and...
- Mrs. Nelson. JENNY: Oh, okay.
[TIRES SCREECH]
- Sorry, Mr. Templeton. - As I was saying...
...I was born in Sioux City, Iowa, and I like baseball, paperbacks, movies.
Oh, and I love a really good piece of banana-cream cake.
- Banana-cream...? - What's the matter?
I just... I won a contest for baking a banana-cream cake.
- What, with marshmallow or coconut? - Both.
That's fantastic. This is my very special favorite.
- Is it really? - Yeah.
- Those are adjustable. - Oh, are they really?
Thanks.
Thanks very much.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
BRUCE: Mr. Taylor.
GOODWIN: Mrs. Nelson? BRUCE: Mrs. Nelson?
Help.
- Here. - You're not getting tired, are you?
- You're the one who needs the sleep. - Where the goddess of love is concerned?
Who could sleep when you're plotting a rendezvous with Venus?
- Mr. Temple... Oh, I'm sorry. - No, no, it's all right.
Well, I just want you to know how proud I am to be a part of this experiment.
And I know you'll make it. I'm sure of it.
- Keep that thought. MAN [OVER RADIO]: Ten...
- Here we go. Wanna watch this? - Yes.
- There. MAN [OVER RADIO]: Seven, six...
... five, four, three, two, one.
Fire.
JENNY: Oh!
Come in, I've been expecting you. I heard your car drive up.
JENNY: I'm Mrs. Nelson. - I know that, I'm Mrs. Miller.
JENNY: How do you do? Oh, my, what a house.
Is that a cake?
Oh, yes. I baked it for Mr. Templeton.
- Well, here, it must be heavy. - Oh, I hope not.
BRUCE: Hello, Jenny. - Hello, Mr. Templeton.
Jenny, Mrs. Nelson, this is Edgar Hill of the CIA.
How do you do?
Why don't you start. Anything you need, ask Anna.
- Okay. - Come on.
JENNY: Excuse me.
My biographer.
I'd better read it and find out what I've been doing.
- And the other lady is Anna Miller? - Yeah. Cook, housekeeper and treasure.
Been with me for 10 years.
[MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY ON STEREO]
That is Pritter's Hi-Fi Service wiring the house for a party.
Well, I'll be in town a few days checking on another spy rumble.
Alrighty. Sorry it wasn't more exciting for you here.
Let's keep it that way.
Oh, yes, this new equation of yours, where's it kept?
- Up here. Why? - No plans or blueprints?
In two vaults. One at the office. One here.
- Invulnerable? - Yeah, they're invulnerable. I'll show you.
ANNA: If you need paper and things, they're behind this bookcase. It pulls out.
- Oh, thank you, Mrs. Miller. - Anna.
Jenny.
BRUCE: Here we are.
Each vault opens only to the frequency of my voice in a special word sequence.
Since each voice is unique...
...the safes are, as you say, invulnerable. HILL: Excellent.
Anna? Yoo-hoo.
[SCREAMS]
What?! Oh, I'm sorry.
- Oh, my heart. - I didn't mean to scare you.
I'm fixing the PA system.
[STAMMERING]
I'm sorry.
Pritter's the name. Julius Pritter. Pritter's Hi-Fi Stereo, you know.
My card. In case you need any work done.
I'll be out of your way in a jiffy.
Scary closets.
[MUTTERING]
JENNY: Ah, be careful! PRITTER: What?
Oh, no.
- Oh, no. - What was that?
- That was a cake. - I'm awfully sorry, lady.
That makes two of us, or three.
PRITTER: What should I do? - Don't move. You'll mess...
PRITTER: Hurry. It's starting to permeate.
I don't feel well. I have this cold coming on.
- Oh, my sock is getting soggy. - Look, put it all in here.
- The whole thing. - I think I'm gonna catch cold.
- You push. - Yeah, okay.
- Here. - Don't let any of it drip off.
Okay.
- Oh, good, that's it, that's good. Yeah. - Now, shake it all in.
Shake...
- I think I'm stuck. - You can't be stuck.
No, I am. Oh, yes, I am because my toes are bent up.
- I have this ingrown toenail, two of them. - Mr. Pritter, I'd rather not hear...
...about your toenails...
...at this moment. Okay? - Okay, yeah. All right.
- Lady. I have this condition. - Now, will you please...?
- Shut up? - Right. Now, hang on.
- I'm hanging. Pull. - I'm pulling.
[SCREAMING]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm sorry. Are you all right?
PRITTER: No, no, I always twine myself in ladders with a foot on my cake.
It's still stuck. Lady, wait, please.
JENNY: Just be still, Mr. Pritter. - Wait, my shoulder's connected to that.
I think we should get that out...
- Wait a minute. Get... Wait. JENNY: I have to do the ladder.
PRITTER: The ladder, oh, yes. Very good, oh, wait.
The lip is there. The lip. The lip.
- Oh, God. It's really a mess. - I'm sorry.
PRITTER: You know something?
You're irritated with me, I'm irritated with myself.
Look, it's just a good thing that I didn't fall in the pool with my cold. That's all.
Boy, I'll tell you one thing, I cannot go through life like this.
JENNY: Mr. Pritter. Now, wait a minute.
We have to approach this...
- We have to approach it scientifically. - Oh, yes.
JENNY: Right? - Sure, why not.
JENNY: Now, listen to me. - Yeah.
- Are you thinking? - I've got it.
I'm gonna put all my weight on this basket.
And when I do, you pull your foot out.
- You see what I mean? - Scientifically.
- Yeah. Okay? - Sure.
- All right.
- Ready? - Sure.
JENNY: Here I come. - Okay, now I pull out, right?
JENNY: I'll push down, and you pull out.
[SCREAMS]
Mr. Pritter! Mr. Pritter...
- I'm stuck. - Oh, please, lady, you're stuck?
Your heel is in my ingrown.
[PRITTER YELLING]
- Mr. Pritter. - Yeah?
We cannot approach this scientifically until I get my foot out.
- No more scientific, please. - Right. Now, listen to me.
- Yeah. - Let me hold on to you.
Mm-hm.
[GRUNTING]
PRITTER: Oh, lady.
[YELLING]
My watch. My watch.
Mr. Templeton said for you to relax, Julius, dear.
I'll have your clothes pressed like new in no time.
That's fine, Anna.
BRUCE: It's kind of large, but that's a good-looking shirt on you.
Thank you.
I'm so sorry about the house. It's just a mess.
- Don't worry. - I'll clean it.
- Don't worry about it. - Your foot.
- You hurt your foot? - He stepped on it in the wastebasket.
He's not too thin.
Poor Mr. Pritter. How is he?
He's kind of hiding while Anna cleans his clothes. He was a mess.
Did you see when he took the fish out of his shirt?
They seemed to enjoy it. They're still swimming around there.
- I've got a confession to make. - What?
I'm not really sorry you hurt your foot. Feels good.
- I have a confession too. - What?
You've got the wrong foot.
Here, it's this one.
There's where he stepped on it. It's swollen.
Yes, it is. Maybe we should rub some more cake on it.
[JENNY LAUGHS]
I'm sorry about that cake.
- Not as sorry as I am. - You like it that much?
Well, that's my main food. Staple diet.
- I'll bake another one. - That's a marvelous idea.
- Have you got the stuff? - Anna has a perfect kitchen.
I'm a great assistant pastry cook. Let's go!
JENNY: Okay. - Let's ruin our waistlines.
You know, I just can't get over it.
- I've never seen a kitchen like this. BRUCE: Really?
It's simple. Everything works here.
Push-button style. Come here. Look at this.
Infrared rays for baking. No heat, no sweat.
Radiation. Equivalent to 1000 degrees Fahrenheit.
What do you think of that?
- It's like an operating room. - Well, let's start operating.
What's your secret formula?
Well, the secret's in the beating.
You see, you whip the egg whites stiff, but never dry.
- Stiff, but never dry. All right. - Remember that.
- Now... - First, we'll get rid of these.
- Photoelectric cell. - Really?
I'm so impressed.
Would a kitchen like this have an egg beater?
An egg beater?
One egg beater coming up.
I don't believe it.
Oh, boy! This kitchen doesn't need a woman.
You're the one good thing I didn't make provision for. In case you're sloppy...
...I made provision for that. Look at this.
[GASPS]
- It's alive. - We call it our automatic floor cleaner.
JENNY: It has eyes.
Watch this.
He's got a nose too!
Hey, what's that thing in the bag?
BRUCE: That's an oscillating suction chamber.
JENNY: Really, is it? - It really is.
JENNY: Where's it go? - In its little house there.
We call it the Bug. There'll be one in every home.
Not in mine. Oh, boy.
- The egg whites are finished. - Wait, wait!
Press the red button.
- This one? - Mm-hm.
- I don't believe it. - Isn't that cute?
JENNY: It really is.
It's incredible.
- Only takes three minutes? - Time is relative in the Space Age.
- What's the next move? - Well...
...now, let's see. We turn it down to 350.
Control to operator, green for go, 350.
- It just pops open when done? - Like a flower.
Talking of flour, you're a mess. Come here.
I'm a messy cook. Thank you.
Hey.
- What? - You always had all those freckles?
- Yeah. Yes. - They're cute.
Thank you. When I was a girl I'd hope they'd grow together...
...so that it'd be like a tan.
Bet the boys chased you anyway.
- I could run like a deer. - You still want to?
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Yeah? ANNA: Your private phone.
- Mr. Molloy calling from Washington. - Okay, Anna.
Don't you nibble at that while I'm gone.
[GASPING]
My cake!
[SCREAMING]
Get out of there!
Give me back my slipper!
You get off...!
Get off of me! Get...!
You give me back my shoe.
[BUG HICCUPS]
This is the quickest trip I ever made to Catalina.
- How fast are we going? - Plenty fast, but it's classified.
We're developing RIMCOP for the Navy.
- What does that mean? - Huh, RIMCOP?
Robot Inshore-Manned Observation Post. How do you like that?
Sure. This craft can be operated from great distances by remote control.
Pick your target, press that button and chowee!
- Really? This is like I have on my TV. - Same idea.
Except I can't get The Late Late Show.
- Here, you steer. - No, I'd rather not do that.
Come on. Are you or are you not the girl in the glass-bottom boat?
I are.
There you go, sailor. Press the middle lever for more speed.
Okay, you asked for it.
- The thing. - Wait, Wait! What?
- The remote gadget! - What?
The remote gadget.
How do I stop this thing?
It's under the cowling! There's a switch under the cowling!
What?
[SCREAMING]
[BOAT HORN BLOWING]
Jenny, don't worry! I'll steer you between them!
Hey!
Ah!
MAN 1: Over! Get over, you! Over!
Hey! Out of the way!
- Out of the way! MAN 2: Look out! Turn!
JENNY: I'm sorry!
AXEL: Give me that.
- Pop! - Great balls of fire.
WOMAN: Boat's coming this way! MAN 4: Jump! Jump! Watch it!
Pop, look out. I'm...!
Look out, Jenny. Look out. You're headed for shore.
Hard to port.
Jump!
Fat chance you'd sell that to the Navy. Jump!
Hey! Look out, everybody! I'm coming!
AXEL: Hard to port!
BRUCE: Sit down.
[AXEL & JENNY SINGING "THE GLASS BOTTOM BOAT" BY LUBIN]
Jenny! You'll stay like that.
Speak for yourself, little Jenny girl.
[SINGING]
BRUCE: Condo... What?
[SINGING]
NINA: It's beautiful. It's just beautiful.
- Too fast for me. - You asked for it.
- You win. - You wanted to do it.
More.
Me
[SINGING "WHATEVER WILL BE WILL BE" BY LIVINGSTON/EVANS]
JENNY: Give us a little thing on the end.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
Sorry to break this up, but Zack seems to ferret me out just wherever I am.
- I'm sorry too. - Are you really?
Well, yes, I am. Really.
Jenny, you see that moon up there?
You mean that moon up there?
- Yeah, that's the one. - Yeah.
Well, right next to that moon up there is a planet called Venus.
And I just hate to leave a girl alone looking at a planet like Venus.
What I'm trying to say is that...
...Venus is shining just as beautifully for us over at my house.
Doesn't that make sense?
I'm also trying to say I wouldn't be all alone...
...with my musty old equations. Doesn't that make sense too?
Jenny, I think you're trying to tell me something.
Good night. Thanks.
Let's go, Jim.
[JENNY SINGING "SOFT AS THE STARLIGHT" BY LUBIN/HOWARD]
Impossible!
It's ridiculous! You're off your rockers!
Mr. Templeton, classified information has been leaking from space plants.
A spy ring is operating and an innocent-appearing woman...
...like Jennifer Nelson, could well be a part of it.
Yeah? And I'm partial to blond foreign agents, is that it?
- You don't agree? - What do you think?
Brief him, Homer.
As chief security officer of this plant...
...that is, until Mr. Johnson returns from vacation...
...it is my sworn duty... - You're not running for election.
Get to the point.
Point one, she's a pretty strange-acting female.
BRUCE: I'll buy that. What's point two?
I don't see you picking up the phone...
...three and four times a day.
And talking in code, like she does three or four times a day.
How does someone talk to someone in code, Homer?
She dials.
And she says into the receiver:
"One...
...two...
...three...
...four...
...five...
...six.
That's all for now, Vladimir. "
Vladimir?
Vladimir. An old Indian name.
From a tribe on the outskirts of Moscow.
- Go ahead, Homer. - And I don't see you, sir...
...making fires in your wastebasket...
...and burning secret papers at night like she does.
- What? - She's clever, sir. Clever.
Mr. Templeton, does this mean anything to you?
"Cash on delivery plus X Y-squared... " Yeah, I guess so.
- It's the work of a crackpot. - Go on, Homer.
Well, you wrote it on a pad, sir, when I was over there. Remember?
The day she returned your tiger-striped bikini.
- Well, that's nothing. Forget it... HILL: It must be something.
Or you wouldn't have written it.
It's a formula for putting Mars and Venus together...
...in the same orbit. - You need a rest. As soon as this is over...
Look. Shut up, Zack. This is junk.
Then why was it transmitted by shortwave radio?
- Mm-hm. We intercepted it last night. - Brief him on that, Homer.
She's got a 20-foot aerial rigged at her house.
- Shortwave. - You know she operates it?
We'll check that out. It looks like...
...somebody wants Gismo pretty bad.
If they don't already have it.
Now, wait a minute.
This vault of 10-inch steel plate...
...will open only to the frequency of my own voice repeating this equation.
G for gamma, B for beta, A for alpha, omega for open sesame.
- Any questions? - I never doubted...
...that the plans were safe.
But they are a prime target. Just as you are.
Why don't you stick to your math.
That's right, sir. And let us handle Mata Hari.
Well, all I'm saying is lay off!
There's an explanation and I'll find it.
Let's keep the whole mess quiet.
If the general ever gets wind of this... Oh, boy...
...I'm picking him up. Coming? - No, I'm going to bed.
Alone. By the way, not to talk out of school.
I invited the spy home tonight for fun and games.
You know something? She turned me down flat.
Which proves she's a nice girl and no Mata Hari.
JENNY: Hello.
BRUCE: Well, hello.
You changed your mind.
Yes, I guess I did.
Well, fine. I'm glad.
Are you glad?
Well, of course.
Bruce, is something wrong?
Hm? Why do you say that?
You've got Gismo.
And I want it.
I feel something. L...
Well, I hope you do...
Mata Hari stops at nothing.
Nothing comes between Mata Hari and what she wants.
What did you say?
Bruce, are you all right? You look strange.
I will gladly give my life...
...because I have stolen the secret formula...
...of the thing you call Gismo.
[GUN FIRES]
I think I'd better go.
- It is late. I made a mistake. - No, no. I made the mistake.
It's just for one crazy second...
Well, it's all pretty silly, sort of.
- No, I should go. - No, No. I love the music you put on.
- I love everything about you. - But you looked at me...
...as if you'd never seen me.
- You were. - Maybe I never had, really, until now.
Bruce, are you sure that you feel all right?
I'm positive.
JENNY: Ooh! Oh!
Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm so clumsy.
BRUCE: That's okay. - I'm sorry, Bruce.
- I need a shower anyway. - I'll clean up.
You just get dry. Wait here. I'll slip into something more comfortable.
- We'll get your room set up soon, sir. - On the double. I'm beat.
Excuse me, general.
[WHISTLES]
How would you like to kiss me without soda water?
[JENNY SCREAMING]
Who are you? Who is he?
Zack Molloy, my partner.
He drops in every now and then to molest women.
You wanna tell me who I've molested?
- I don't mind. That's Jennifer Nelson. - Very glad to... That's Jennifer Nelson?
- I'm in Public Relations. - You're doing a fine job.
- I guess I'd better say good night... - Wait. I'll drive you home.
- I have my car... BRUCE: Hi, general.
- That's General Bleecker. JENNY: How do you do, general?
- And good night. BRUCE: Have a nice trip, general?
Uneventful, until now.
- I am so sorry. - I know.
- I've never been so embarrassed. - Jen?
- You have guests? - It's all right.
You know, I... No, I picked up the peanuts first.
Then I turned out the lights and waited...
- I know. ... and your partner...
- Zack. - I thought he was you.
I know, I understand. I'll see you tomorrow night at the party.
- Good night. - Good night.
Jenny?
[SPUTTERING]
- Hello. L... - Mr. Pritter, you are in great trouble.
- What? - You have taken our money...
...under false pretenses. - But...
Yes, your output for two years...
...has been cleverly revised excerpts from Space Magazine, Aerial Digest...
...and Popular Mechanics. - You think I would...?
And now, this meaningless scrawl?
You have caused us great embarrassment.
And also, someone apparently has gone over our head.
- Yeah? - Who is Jennifer Nelson?
Must be some girl. Right?
GREGOR: Who is Vladimir? - Vla... I don't know.
You make it a point to know. Unbelievable how hot...
...the end of a cigar gets.
But...
GREGOR: You wish to say something? - I'll gladly return the money.
- I could borrow it... - Something more constructive.
Name it. You... You name it, I'll do it.
This party tomorrow night. You installed the PA system, didn't you?
Yes. No. Wait. I just fixed it. I put in the speakers... The little transistors?
GREGOR: You have access? - Yes.
- We want to know who this girl is. - Who she is.
GREGOR: If she has the equation. - Equation.
GREGOR: We want it. - You want it.
- Then put this on the band in code. - Okay, you just have to tell me...
...what you want. Put this on the... It's cold... I put... On the band. In code.
I'm gonna turn this on. Okay. Get the earphones. Wait.
I don't...
[BEEPING]
[MAN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN OVER RADIO]
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
[PHONE RINGING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON PHONE]
What the hell is going on here?
- General? - Where...? Who is Vladimir?
What are you keeping from me?
There's nothing for you to worry about, general.
The CIA's on the case. We're checking on the girl right now.
Girl? Girl? What girl?
- Girl... The one you met. - What...? You mean...?
She is a foreign agent?
Small cog in the wheel, but we've got her staked out for the big fish.
Is Gismo...?
Is Gismo safe?
Yes. Now, you just run along to sleep.
[WHISPERS] All is well. - Yeah? It had better be.
AXEL [OVER RADIO]: Unit Four, Los Angeles.
This is 11-Q, 11-73...
... Unit Two, Santa Catalina calling. Come in, please.
Unit Four, Los Angeles. Unit Four, Los Angeles. This is 11-Q, 11-73...
... Unit Two, Santa Catalina. Come in, please.
Vladi. What are you doing in Mom's bed? You scalawag.
AXEL: Unit Two, Santa Catalina. Come in, please.
Unit Four, Los Angeles. Unit Four, Los Angeles. This is 11-Q, 11-73...
...Unit Two, Santa Catalina. Come in, please.
Okay, Pop. It's me.
BIRD: It's not your father. - That's Arnold.
Jenny, I thought you told me you already have been security checked at that...
...fireworks factory of yours. - I have been.
Well, what's going on? There's some weird characters...
... here asking a lot of questions. - About what?
- About you. - About me?
Well, haven't you heard, my dear?
Your daughter is just about the most dangerous woman in all of Lisbon.
I mean, they say that one word from me and... forget it.
Cut it out.
Okay. Well, it does figure, now, doesn't it, Pop?
After all, I am engaged in confidential work...
...with a space-age genius. - How are you doing with him?
- Classified. - Are you in love?
I'm sorry, we cannot give out that information.
BIRD: Oh, no. - Oh, no.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Hey, Pop, hold on, will you? My bell's ringing.
- Yes? - Good morning. Mrs. Nelson, isn't it?
Yes, I'm Mrs. Nelson. But I'm very busy at the moment.
My name is Carstairs, from down the block.
We're getting up a petition protesting all those traffic signals they're installing.
Well, some other time, Mr. Car... I'm very busy.
Lord knows I have nothing against traffic signals. Children's safety and all that.
But they ping all night.
They ping, ping, red...
...ping, ping, amber...
...ping, ping, green... AXEL: Come in, Unit Four.
- Come in, Unit Four. - Excuse me, Mr. Ping... Carstairs.
I'll be right back.
Sorry, Pop. Where were we?
You were the most dangerous woman in Lisbon...
...and were engaged in the most secret stuff, so secret...
...that you couldn't get it out of you with hot pincers.
- How about a little clue, huh? - Tonight's the big night.
I'm glad you reminded me. Will you call Vladimir today?
- No. - Please? It's very important to me.
Vladimir has been edgy lately.
He did something he hasn't done in months.
- What? - Jumped into bed with me.
AXEL: The hound. He ought to be shot.
Oh, boy. You're a hard, cruel man, Captain Nordstrom. You really are.
Those creeps are getting closer again.
I swear...
...if they put one foot in my boat...
...I'll wrap them in concrete and dump them in the harbor.
Go get them, tiger.
Over and out.
Mr. Carstairs?
[MABEL SCREAMING]
- Hi, Mabel. Hi, Norman. - Hi.
NORMAN: Mutnik is better-looking than that guy.
Mutnik's father's better-looking than that guy.
Give me that jacket, will you, pal?
"Give me that jacket, will you?" Sometimes I think you're hard of hearing.
You read Cripps' report.
- Tonight's the night. - I certainly hope so.
What does she have to do to convince you?
Get Moscow on that shortwave of hers?
Or maybe you'd like to see home movies of Vladimir jumping in bed with her?
- Knock it off, will you? - That was in Cripps' report too.
Cripps' head needs a long vacation. So does yours.
You're getting as nervous as the general. Hey.
I know where there's a great party. You can come as my guest.
- This was my idea. - I'll buy you a drink.
Buy me a drink? I'm paying half the tab.
BRUCE: Picking up the whole tab. What are you talking about?
[LOUNGE BAND PLAYING]
Well, how's it going, Ralph?
Public relations-wise, we are a smash.
Ooh. Ahh. L...
- Nice of you to come. WOMAN: Thank you.
ZACK: It's Ken and Helen. How are you? HELEN: Oh, hello.
BRUCE: Nice of you to come. KEN: Nice to see you.
- No sign of her yet, pal. - Don't worry. Your super spy will be here.
ZACK [OVER RADIO]: I hate these. BRUCE: Don't eat them.
ZACK: I'm eating out of frustration.
My ulcers are getting a little rowdy too.
They're getting red, white and blue for losing our government contract.
We're not losing anything. Enjoy yourself.
Yeah...
Nerves.
Hi, Anna.
- Jenny. You look lovely. - Thank you.
Wait until Mr. Templeton sees you.
- Think he'll like it? - He'll like it and what's in it.
Lemonade for Julius.
- Julius is here? My cake. - Poor dear worked like a Trojan all day.
- Even helped with the hors d'oeuvres. - I'm putting this in a safe place.
ANNA: Another cake? - Mm-hm.
Jenny, you're spoiling that man.
That's the plan.
- Well, having fun, general? - Fun?
Fun? Gentlemen, we are on a spy hunt.
Hill said we'll make contact tonight.
That's why I want to be particularly careful that your... Where is Hill?
Well, he's not here yet, but we do have security men all over the place.
You may be sure if Mrs. Nelson is a spy...
"If"?
"Lf," did you say?
Until she is proven innocent, she is guilty. And that is my motto.
Well-put, general. Until proven innocent. Good motto.
JENNY: Good evening. BRUCE: Hey, Jenny.
You remember Zack Molloy?
- Yes, we've met. - Perhaps you remember General Bleecker?
Oh, hi.
Mrs. Nelson, the band is playing my favorite tune.
- I wonder... - With your permission...
...I think I'll fly the first mission, general. Excuse us.
Thank you.
You know you haven't said a word about my new dress.
Very lovely. I haven't really been looking at it. I've been looking at you.
Bruce, this house is just perfect for a party.
- Everything's so beautiful. - Yes, it is.
Isn't it marvelous what a new dress will do? Huh?
Molloy, I don't like to say it, but we can't depend on your partner.
Now, sir, Bruce is...
[SHUSHING]
What do you think of the new guesthouse for visiting brass?
Is it just for visiting brass?
Oh, I think we could accommodate a little girl from Catalina.
He's obviously enamored of that young woman.
And in my book...
...love and war don't mix.
Good motto, sir.
What do you suggest?
Well, for now, eyes peeled, full alert.
Remember...
...anyone in this room might be Vladimir.
Anyone.
And here we have the Red Room.
Yeah, well, as you can see we have...
...red carpet, red walls and red ceiling.
Then next door, there's the Blue Room. And that has...
...blue carpet and blue walls and a blue ceiling and...
I love you.
I do.
I love you.
[PHONE RINGING]
The phone's ringing.
I didn't think it could ever happen again, but it...
- But it did. - Oh, darling...
- The phone's ringing. BRUCE: Forget the phone.
- I love you. - I love you.
- I just wanted... - I'm in love with you.
- Answer the phone. - I won't.
Please?
Bruce. Come down to the vault room right away.
- What for? ZACK: Hill's on the phone...
... wants to talk to you. Says it's important.
Okay.
He says it's urgent.
Get used to it. I'll be right back.
He's calling from the plant.
Hello, Hill? Why don't you come join the party.
You're working overtime.
HILL: So is your lady friend, judging by the contents of her desk.
BRUCE [ON PHONE]: What are you saying?
Let me sort this out and start at the beginning.
JENNY: Vladimir.
Oh, Vladi.
BRUCE [ON PHONE]: For the last time, Jennifer Nelson is not a spy.
Why don't you stop wasting time with this witch-hunt.
HILL: Okay, help me waste some more.
Would you go over that again, about Project Venus?
I told you, there is no Project Venus. There never was. It was a gag.
It was a thing I made up to make time, to take the chill... I won't go into it.
HILL: She believed everything you told her.
BRUCE: She was supposed to.
HILL: Mr. Templeton, are you sure she isn't making time with you?
BRUCE: What do you mean? - You love banana-cream cake...
...so she bakes you banana-cream cake. How did it come out?
I wouldn't know, I hate cake...
... and I hate bananas. That makes banana-cream cake a double hate.
HILL: Still, you told her...
BRUCE: She won a prize for it.
If she won a prize for octopus pudding, I'd love that too.
Okay...
...keep an eye on her till I get there.
We intend to.
- Every phone in the house is bugged. - Wait, listen, all of you. Hill, you there?
This girl couldn't possibly be a spy.
This girl hasn't got the brains to be a spy.
That is what you think. I've seen spies before. She's got that shifty-eyed look.
And they generally use oversexed girls for this line of work.
Judging from that lipstick you came in with.
HILL: We must keep her under surveillance.
I'd appreciate your cooperation in staying close all evening.
- All evening? - All night, if necessary.
HILL: Fine, see you later.
[BAND PLAYING DANCE MUSIC]
Jenny. I was just having a nip to quiet my nerves.
- Where you going? - Home.
Home? The fun hasn't even begun.
You're so right, Anna.
The fun hasn't even begun.
ANNA: Are you all right, dear?
What's the matter?
What are you drinking?
Hooch. That's half Scotch, half bourbon.
It sounds delicious.
To a big dope.
Who's a lot smarter than they think.
[SCREAMING]
What is it now?
What's the trouble?
I thought I saw one of those hors d'oeuvre move.
Oh, sure. Probably a shrimp trying to get back to sea.
- In case you're interested... - If we want you...
...you'll be in the Red Room. - Right.
- You play your games, I'll play mine. - Okay, okay.
Molloy, we just can't depend on your partner. It's up to us.
- What do you suggest? - Well, if worse comes to worse...
...one of us will have to spend the night with her. We've got to fight fire with fire.
May I volunteer, sir?
I admire your spirit, Molloy, but this is one mission...
Hello.
- Hello. If you're looking for Bruce... - He left.
Really?
Oh, that's too bad.
That means we can have the next dance, general.
The next dance?
Why can't we have this one?
We can, if you'll just give me a chance to powder my nose...
...and make one teeny-weeny little phone call. Don't you go away.
[WHISPERING] Phone call.
- Phone call? - Phone call.
[IN UNISON] Phone call.
[CLICKING ON PHONE]
[PHONE RINGING]
- Hello? - Hello.
Vassily?
Don't talk, just listen.
The goods you ordered...
... will be at Pier 63, San Pedro, before midnight.
Your contact will be wearing a black Windbreaker and a...
... patch over his left eye.
The recognition signal is...
... "Vladimir sent me. "
- Over. - Over? Over what?
Black patch. A Windbreaker.
Have you got somebody to cover Pier 63?
Every man here is on special assignment, sir.
The two I sent to Catalina...
...one was my brother-in-law...
...never returned. - Well, get somebody. Get ahold of Hill.
[CLICKING ON PHONE]
[PHONE RINGING]
Yes, who is it?
JENNY [ON PHONE]: Hello, 104.
Don't talk, just listen.
T- O-S to 104. Are you there?
Yes, I'm here. What is it?
We're having trouble with our deliveries.
But we hope to have it...
...on the way by morning.
- Over. - Thank you very much. I'll tell my son.
- Homer, I want someone on Pier 63. - I'll try to find someone.
Hurry. You're dancing with her.
- Get upstairs. - Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Jenny, darling?
Jenny?
ZACK: Here she comes.
Now, get in there.
Remember, this is for our side.
JENNY: I've been waiting.
I haven't felt like this since Culver Military Academy.
I love older men.
They make me feel so secure, you know?
Yes, I know.
I feel I can talk to them and...
You can talk to me.
And share secrets with them.
You can share secrets with me.
Well...
...I am arranging to spend the night in the guesthouse.
Perhaps we could get together later?
Your place or mine?
Ooh, my, you are direct.
That's my motto. Old Frontal Attack Bleecker, they call me.
Okay, Frontal.
My place.
In the Red Room...
...at exactly... Let's see, now...
...12:00 midnight.
Twelve sharp. Midnight.
I'll be there five minutes after 12, but wait, you hear?
I'll be waiting.
With bells on.
No medals, general. I'm terribly sensitive.
Psst! Psst!
It's me.
What the devil are you made-up for?
No man's land.
The powder room. In case she goes there again.
What is going on?
There's to be a rendezvous with Vladimir, I think.
- Vladimir? - Pier 63.
My men were busy, so I sent someone else.
Becoming color.
Oh, thank you.
May I get you a refreshment, my dear?
Yes.
Champagne.
Then I'll feel like I'm still dancing with you.
Hey, baby.
Zack.
Am I glad to see you.
Well, what did you do to the general? He is flying.
Forget it, sweetheart. I can't stand older men.
You can't?
I was married to one once.
Spent all my nights playing dominoes.
- You know what I mean? - D-U-L, dull.
Well, tell me, how do I grab you?
You're just the right age, Zackie.
You keep that up, and I'm gonna be a lot older.
You know, when I kissed you last night, something went...
..."bong. " - Yeah...
...I heard it.
Well, you should've. It was a loud...
...bong. - Yeah...
What do we do now?
We're adults, aren't we?
So let's act like a couple of kids.
Well...
...I'm planning on spending the night here.
Wanna get together later?
You tell me where and when.
JENNY [WHISPERING]: The Red Room... - The Red Room...
JENNY [WHISPERING]: At five after 12. ... at five after 12.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] With bells on?
And pajama bottoms. Or tops.
Here you are, my dear.
Thank you, Wallace.
To your beauty.
How sweet.
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
Cheers, y'all.
I almost forgot. I have to make a phone call.
My sick aunt.
Will you excuse me? I'll be right back.
- Follow her. I'll cover the phone. - Right.
064...
...064, come in, please.
All phones bugged.
Now, hear this.
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white as snow
That is all.
Over and out.
Oh!
[PRITTER STUTTERING]
May I have this dance...
...officer?
CRIPPS: Knock it off, buster.
I've been watching you. You've been acting suspiciously...
...especially around the buffet table.
The buffet table, and you haven't taken a bite.
I'm trying, you know...
I see you like olives.
So do I.
- This one looks like it's made of metal. - I love them that way.
What's wrong with that olive?
Nothing.
It's terrific.
[METAL CRUNCHING]
BRUCE: Hello, general. Have you seen Jenny?
- Jenny? - Jenny.
- Oh, Jenny. - Jenny.
No. Good night, old man.
- Wait. You're not falling out this early. - It's quite late for me, you know.
Almost 12:00, my bedtime.
Sleep... Sleep well.
- Hi, old buddy. - Hi. Where's Jenny?
Jenny?
I don't know. Good night.
Where are you going?
I'm going to bed. Little fellas need nine hours, you know. Good night.
Wait a minute. You haven't been to bed before 12:00 since the pabulum habit.
What's going on?
Simmer down. I've got a date.
- With whom? - Jenny, that's with who.
- Whom. Jenny? - Who?
Yeah, she wants to worm military secrets out of me.
Fortunately, I don't know any...
...but I'm willing to make some up.
You wouldn't hit a coward, now, would you?
- You got room? - Yes, I can see, thank you.
Excuse me, miss. Your bow is untied.
- Really? - Can I help?
You're so kind.
- Would you be good enough? - Yes.
Just step back here, toward the lamp.
It's satin.
- Satin does slip, doesn't it? - Yes.
I'm very partial to satin.
I was married in satin.
That is, my first marriage.
There we are. That's a lovely bow.
- There. - Thank you so much.
- You're welcome, dear. - You're sweet.
[SCREAMING]
Where do you think you're going?
Who do you think you're talking to? Get out...
- You're staying here. - I am not staying here.
BRUCE: You're staying until you tell me what's going on.
Is something going on? I hadn't noticed.
- I wanna know about this nutty talk. - What do you mean, nutty talk?
And give me my purse.
It has a two-way wrist radio in it.
That nutty talk. That's what I'm talking about.
Oh, really? Well, I'm also sending a message to the Kremlin.
Really? What kind of message is that?
- My secret formula for octopus pudding. - Octopus pu...
- Aha! You listened in. - I listened in.
Stay. I'm going to the general to straighten this out.
- I will not... - I said, wait.
- I said, no. - I said, wait.
I said, no.
- You'll wait. JENNY: Put me down.
You put me down.
- You let me out of here. BRUCE: Wait.
JENNY: I have a date. - I know, with Zack.
I'll keep it for you, and bust him in the mouth.
Let me out. Help.
Help.
- Just the man... - I wanna talk.
Those calls, there is no question. She's an agent...
She's no more an agent than you are. If you're the best the CIA has...
...this country's in trouble. - You look here. We'll have to detain her.
Mrs. Nelson can leave here whenever she wishes.
[BANGING ON DOOR]
- What's that noise? - What?
I locked her in the closet.
- You said she was free. - She is. So are you. You're off the case.
- Wait a minute. - Take a long vacation at my expense.
You can't do this.
I can't? Come with me.
Operator? I want Washington, D. C...
...I want Central Intelligence. I want a man called Donald C. Heddley.
Sure, I'll wait.
I'll show you whether... Hill?
Hill?
BRUCE [ON TAPE]: This vault of 10-inch steel plate will open...
... only to the frequency of my voice...
... repeating this equation. G for gamma, B for beta...
... A for alpha...
... omega for open sesame.
NINA: How long, skipper? - Long enough to find out what's up.
- What about these snoopers? - They give you trouble...
...dump them overboard - Take care, now, skipper.
Everything will be okay unless some idiot asks me about Vladimir.
Vladimir sent me.
GOODWIN: No, no. Please.
That's it, Don. Put men onto it, and I'll handle things here.
Right. Where is that Cripps? Cripps?
- Homer Cripps. CRIPPS: Yes, sir?
Listen, put two guards in the vault room, seal the gates and find Edgar Hill.
- Hill, did you say? - You heard me. Find him.
His name's not Hill, he's not with the CIA. Find him.
- Not wi...? - Find him!
Right, sir.
JENNY: Let me out of here!
Anna.
Somebody!
Get me out of here!
Help!
Get me out of here.
Help!
BRUCE: Jenny.
Darling, everything's okay.
I love you.
Jen... Jenny, I love you.
Jenny, and I love your banana-cream cake.
Jenny?
[BUG MAKING SUCKING NOISES]
Down, down. Sit.
ANNA: Get out of here. Go on. Beat it.
You silly darn thing, now beat it. Go on. Get out of here.
[SINGING]
Actually, I...
...shouldn't be...
...enjoying this so much. Hi-ho, H-hour.
[SINGING]
My only regret...
...is that I have but one life...
...to give for my country.
[SIGHS]
[GENERAL YELLS]
Yeah. Well, when you two have finished playing house, I got news for you.
For your information, the CIA...
- Did you open the safe? - What? No.
Well, somebody did.
Well, you wanna meet early and pick out the furniture?
MAN: Sit down, Mrs. Nelson.
What are you doing?
MAN: Sit down.
Don't yell.
First, who are you?
And who are you...
...spying for? Who are you spying for?
I don't know anything about anything, do you hear me?
They decided I was a spy.
Well, they had their fun and I've had mine.
- Now, it is over. PRITTER: Don't move!
It is not over, Mrs. Nelson.
It is over.
No.
Let's start again.
Who is Vladimir?
What about Gismo?
I've told you everything.
Talk, Mrs. Nelson.
It's unbelievable how hot the end of a cigar gets.
- You wouldn't dare do that! - Oh, no?
Yes! In this spy business, it's dog eat dog.
How can I tell you something I don't know?
[JENNY COUGHING]
PRITTER: Wait.
L...
[COUGHING]
What's the matter with you?
I don't smoke!
- I'll get some water. - Yes, but no! Don't move!
Stay where you are...!
Please don't!
[WHIMPERING]
A water pistol!
I could... If I weren't a lady, I'd give you such a...
- Oh, sit down! - I'm a failure!
- You are! - I can't do anything right!
- I don't feel good either. - I never wanted to be a spy!
I never spied on anything.
Listen, I would defect, but I don't know where to defect to.
But they're gonna kill me! What am I gonna do?
I'll tell you what.
You're gonna make a clean breast of the thing and tell them everything!
- And name names, that's what! - Names? I don't know any names.
Well, you get orders from someone, don't you?
Only over the phone. You know, I would recognize his voice.
- Well? - He's some spy!
They didn't even give me a number!
Well, you're gonna get one now.
- That's Gismo. - Gismo?
- You are a spy? - I am not a spy! Don't you say that!
I don't know how that got in my purse. You just shut up, Julius.
And I'm gonna find out right now.
[WHIMPERING]
Don't talk like that. We tried to hold him, but he got away.
Well, you've got his description. Work on it.
- We really goofed this one. BRUCE: You can say that again.
[PHONE RINGS]
- Hello? JENNY [ON PHONE]: Edgar Hill, please.
Yeah, Jenny, listen. Darling, I've been trying to call you.
- Let me explain. - I wish to speak with Edgar Hill.
I thought you might, Mrs. Nelson.
Mr. Hill. Thank goodness you're here.
L... I was just calling you.
BRUCE [ON PHONE]: Jenny?
- What'd she say? - Where is she?
Call the local police right away.
- Me, sir? - What do you mean, "Me, sir?" Go!
- Right, sir. BRUCE: Let's go.
Mr. Templeton, what's going on with my daughter?
- Where is she? - Axel, she's in big trouble.
Show me where she lives.
We got her into this. Let's go.
And so we suspected you, of course.
That's the reason we planted those phony plans in your purse.
Excuse me.
[MOUTHING]
I think he's trying to tell you he recognizes my voice.
Yeah, he's the one that gave me the orders on the phone.
- You're the spy! - At your service, Mrs. Nelson.
And now I've got an order for you.
Give me those.
You'll never get these plans from me. Never.
Mrs. Nelson, I'd rather not do anything rash.
- Come here. BIRD: Call the cops!
- Call the cops! PRITTER: You leave her alone!
Mayday. Unit Four signaling mayday.
One more question. Who's Vladimir?
- A dog. - Not your opinion. What's his racket?
General Bleecker here. We are now proceeding to the scene...
[COUGHING]
Will you stop that coughing?
Mayday. Mayday.
Anybody out there? Over.
MAN 1 [OVER RADIO]: Heard you, Unit Four. This is Gravy Train.
Max's All-Night Diner. Repeat message.
MAN 2 [OVER RADIO]: Come in, Gravy Train.
This is Albacore, Rocky Reef Lighthouse.
- What's up? MAN 3 [OVER RADIO]: I don't know.
MAN 1 [OVER RADIO]: Sounds like the dame's in trouble.
Unit Four here. Come in, please.
Help! Help.
MAN 4 [OVER PHONE]: Tijuana, Mexico. Can I patch up a phone call?
[GUN FIRING]
[BARKING]
PRITTER: Boy.
JENNY: Sorry, Julius.
Hey! She's a nice lady...!
Ow!
Take that!
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[TRASH CAN CLATTERING]
Norman! Did you hear that?
NORMAN: Must be a drunken cat or something.
[TRASH CANS CLATTERING]
[WHISPERING] Nor...! Norman!
[BARKING]
Shut up, will you? You sound like a dog.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] There are two people in this house.
Yeah, one of them is nuts.
[CRYING]
[BARKS]
[JENNY SCREAMS]
Norman! Norman!
HILL: Shut up! - You can't talk to me that way!
Will you shut up and let me sleep!
Turn!
Hey! What...?
Well, come...
[SIRENS WAILING]
BRUCE: Jenny. We're here.
PRITTER: Get me out of here! MAN [OVER RADIO]: Help is on the way.
- Give them hell, honey. - Call a cop!
- Zack, the mynah bird. - The what?
BIRD: Call a cop! Call a cop!
Wait a minute.
BRUCE: Officer!
Officer, can I speak to you a moment? Officer!
Hello, Mabel.
BRUCE: Jenny!
[BOAT CRASHING]
Oh, no.
[HORNS HONKING]
Subtitles by SDI Media Group
Ripped by: SkyFury